Together We Have It All: "You're so "corny"

Family Funnies (No matter how serious life gets, there is always something to laugh at)

Conditioner any one?

Aj is staying at a friends. She asks if he would like conditioner while he is taking a bath. He asks what it is. She explains that it's like lotion for your hair. He says, "Sure!" After she rubs it in his head he sighs, "Ahhhh this is the goodest smell I ever heard!"

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What do you sink?

AJ (3 at the time) watching "Wonder Pets" responds when they ask the routine question, "What's gonna work?" Normally they sing this question and then sing back, "Team Work!" AJ speaks exasperated at the television like it's a real person, "What do you sink? Team work, it works every time!"

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So Generous

When we realized that there were not enough cupcakes for everyone in the family I being a normal mom said, "It's okay I don't need one."

BJ quickly said, "You can have mine mom."

That was followed by MJ. "No, have mine mom."

Then CJ "Take mine mom."

Last was my favorite comment

AJ generously offers, "You can have LJ's mommy!"

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Sarcasm

We've been trying to teach CJ not to be so sarcastic, explaining that it can be hurtful. After overhearing something one of his siblings says CJ responds in a sing song tone, "Weirdo!" I give him the stern, "Cj!" He quickly retorts, "I mean butter cup, sugar pie, sweet dumpling!"

okay sometimes sarcasm is pretty darn funny!

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"AJ at it again"

This kid is quite a thinker for a 5 yr. old. At the end of a long day with daddy running around, Dad promises, "Just one more stop buddy."

"Where's the stop?" he asks.

"The bank," Was Jeremy's response.

Then, once again in his familiar duh voice he says, "Then it's two more stops daddy. We have to "stop" when we get home!"

Right again!

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"I Happy"

LJ has developed a strong disdain for naps now that she's two. She has caught on quickly that crankiness gives her a quick ticket straight to bed. These days whenever anyone as much as hints about nap time she smiles as big as her little mouth will possibly stretch and claims, "I happy!"

Now how do you put a little "smiley" like that in bed?

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Mom has Cooties!

AJ(5) and I were out doing errands. I thought I would take him out for a treat to Dairy Queen to spend some mommy son time. As I lifted him out of the car I gave him a peck on the cheek. He quickly wiped it off and said loudly, "Hope no one saw that!"

"Hey," I replied,"You're never too cool for a kiss from mom!" And don't you forget it!

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Positive attitude

While we were eating ice cream AJ kept dripping all over the place. I kept busy trying to help him scoot up closer and catch his drips. Every time he picked up his spoon, ice cream went flying. He finally looked at me with a huge smile and said, "I'm a pretty good spiller."

"What a positive way to look at it," I thought.

Then he muttered under his breath, "Do wish I wasn't."

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SHHHHHH!

We were all watching a Christmas devotional together. The opening song started with word's a long the bottom so all could sing. When the family started singing a long LG (2) got very upset and started screaming Nooo!!!!! Shhhhhhhh!!!! I guess singing is not our talent.

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Shopping list

I keep a white board in the kitchen to write down needed grocery items as the family notices a need. I was checking it yesterday before I went shopping. . . .

Distilled water

Crystal light

milk

100 lbs of candy bars, yummy ones!

Good try MJ too bad I didn't fall for it!

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Duh!

Even though AJ is only 4 I know he must think we're all stupid because he often talks in that "Duh" tone.

Example

Daddy tells LG that she looks beautiful on the way to church. AJ responds, "Well yeah, she's always beautiful so what's the difference?"

CJ (8) is riding in daddy's truck with AJ(4)

CJ exclaims, "I just love this car!"

Without missing a beat AJ looks over and says, "It's a truck you idiot!"

What to do with that child???

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Marriage or not?

CJ said out of the blue. . .

"Mom I don't think I'm going to get married when I grow up."

"Why," I asked.

"Because I don't know many girls," he responds.

I explain, "Well you won't start looking for girls to marry until you're probably in college."

"Oh," he says happily, "Then I'm sure I'll get married, I am pretty sexy!"

Boy, what eight year old calls himself sexy?

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A lot Boring!

On the way home from taking the car to get new tires, I congratulated AJ and LJ on being so patient. It had been a long day because the tire store was over an hour away.

My praise: " Thank you for being so good today! I know it was a little boring sometimes, but you did great!"

AJ's response: "Yeah well, it was a lot boring all the time!"

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Eavesdropping

I love it when I hear my kids chatting by themselves.

I over heard the kids having a conversation together in the other room. The question is asked by one of them. . .

"If you could have any dream what would it be?"

AJ "I want to have a play date with Barney" (that was funny he never watches that)

CJ "I want my very own horse."

BJ " I want to be able to play lots of different instruments really well." When asked why he states, "Because then I would get lots of girls, they love that stuff." (Oh no we're in trouble)

Just a couple of days later I heard another one of their discussions. They were trying to decide what each person would be if they were a candy. Their conclusions. . .

BJ would be a York Peppermint Patty

LJ would be a sweet tart

CJ would be a Laffy Taffy

MJ would be a Starburst

AJ said he just wanted to be a dog!

I'd say they got it just about right.

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Puberty is coming soon

The kids were babysitting while Jer and I were out on a date. When they announced that it was bed time CJ asked if he could sleep in Mom and Dad's bed. They agreed. That was followed by AJ whining to sleep in Mom and Dad's bed also. When they said yes CJ was exasperated.

"Please don't make him sleep with me, he's little and I'm going to hit puberty soon!"

He's only 7 so hopefully not too soon!

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Too busy to talk

I called home when I was out doing errands. AJ answered the phone.

"Hey buddy", I said, "What are you doing?"

He responds, "I don't want to talk to you soooo loooong Mommy bye. "

I heard only the click of the phone after that.

I guess he was busy. I did call back however because I needed to talk to Jeremy.

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Honest children

MJ and I were having a leisurely conversation. She explains, "Mom I think I'm a lot like you because I love to chat and talk with my friends. I also think I'm a lot like dad because I can be quiet when I have to!"

Ouch! Painfully honest once again!

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Super man Secrets

AJ asked me to help him put on his Super Man Costume.

"Now I am brave," he says and flies off.

I comment as he flies away, " You are so very brave!"

He comes back a minute later and whispers in my ear.

"I'm not really brave mom, I'm just a boy."

I still think he's brave even being "Just a boy"

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I forgot

CJ had just lost two pairs of gloves and kept forgetting his homework folder from school. I had gotten after him for being so forgetful. He had to wear AJ's gloves on this particular day because he had gone through all of his. When he opened the door from school, his head hung low and he looked so sad.

When I inquired he said, "Go ahead and kill me Mom. I lost my stuff again! I put AJ's glove down for just a second and when I looked down it was gone."

Well you can't be too mad after that comment!

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What mom's and dad's do

AJ and I were walking down the stairs. I tripped some how and fell down the last half of the staircase. I landed in a heap at the bottom and just sat there in pain. AJ looked down at me from the top of the stairs and said, "Oh, I guess that's what moms and dads do! Kids don't do that."

Thanks for the observation!

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Ho Bo

BJ used to be my morning person. However, he must have hit teenage morning phobia because this year, mornings are a struggle. He barely gets up in time to eat, say a quick prayer and run to the bus. I've been giving him a hard time lately because he hasn't been combing his hair. He's too tired to care.

The other day one of his friends looked at him in the morning and said, "You look like a Ho Bo that nobody wants."

BJ responds, "Now, I feel all warm and fuzzy inside."

That just cracked me up!!! Maybe peer pressure will get the better of him if he won't listen to his mom!

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More morning struggles

Apparently BJ is too tired to dress right in the morning as well. He came home just a week or so ago and said. "Hey mom, do your jeans have buttons on the back pockets?" His same friend pointed out to him that day, "Those jeans flatter your figure much to well, they must be your mom's jeans." Sure enough . . .

This is the second time he has done this, only last time was 3 years ago or so with MJ's Jeans. Maybe I'll start pouring water on him in the mornings. I'm glad he can laugh at himself. He's a great kid!

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Mom's strong!

AJ pointed to his chest and asked, "What are those?"

CJ responds, "Those are nipples. If they get real big that means you're really strong."

AJ states, "Mom must be really strong then!"

Thanks AJ I'm flattered!

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That's old!

AJ: "Mommy how old are you?"(It was my birthday)

Mom: "35"

AJ: "That's old!! Is that why you have those lines on your face?" "I don't have lines on my face?"

Don't you just love the honesty?!

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Naughty or Nice?

I was tucking AJ in bed early because he was sick. I reminded him that Santa was coming that night even though it wasn't Christmas Eve. I wrote him a letter and asked if he could come to our house early because we were not going to be there on Christmas. He got all excited and then thoughtfully asked, " I wonder if I am on the naughty list or nice list?" "What do you think,"I asked. "Well I think I'm on the nice list because I'm not mad, just sick!"

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All by myself

AJ wanted to pack for a week trip all by himself. He packed nine shirts, four p.j tops ,two p.j. bottoms, and two belts. I'm wondering what the belts were going to hold up. I thought I would fix it a little, beings he'd be a little exposed for the week without any pants or undies.

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Kissing up

I think CJ's been trying to make sure he's on the good list for Christmas. He asked me the other day. . .

CJ: "Mom what's your favorite part of Christmas?"

Mom: "I think the music."

CJ: "My favorite is thinking of Jesus."

Mom: "Come on now, that's your favorite?"

CJ: "Okay it's the presents, but I do like thinking about Jesus."

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Avoiding the question

Mom: "AJ are you in your seat belt?"

AJ: "I am what I am mom!"

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I'm the Good Boy

Mom asks, "AJ did you put these hair things down the drain in the tub?"

AJ replies, "It wasn't me, I'm the good boy. I don't do bad things, only good things."

Sounds almost convincing!

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Shrek Treats

Friends of ours made us special treats for Halloween. They have a pretzel stick with a tiny marsh mellow at the end;dipped in butter scotch. They're called, "Shrek's ear wax." They provoked a funny conversation. . .

CJ- "These are good mom, what are they?"

Mom- "Shrek's ear wax."

CJ- "Oh. . . . That makes me feel a little weird. . . And a little gross!'

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Because I love you

AJ- "Dad can you sleep by me tonight."

Dad- "I Don't have to. You always come sleep by me and kick me in the head all night."

AJ- "That's because I love you!"

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Questions

CJ- "Where do farts come from and why do they stink?

"How come poop is brown if it's just the food you eat?"

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Oops!

3 years ago I went to pick up BJ from school. I found him standing up against the wall and refusing to walk away from it. He made me promise to walk closely behind him on the way to the car. I asked what was wrong and his friend started laughing. "He's been walking like that all day." I made BJ turn around and saw the problem. BJ must have grabbed his clothes quick from the laundry room that morning. On his back Jean pockets were cute little hearts and a fancy design. Poor BJ! Wearing your sisters jeans to school is a real image Killer!

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I'm Hot

My kids had friends over and they were all dancing. AJ was hot so he started stripping in the middle of everyone. His siblings were very embarassed. The worst part was that he forgot to put underwear on that day. Can you say Streaker?

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Just 2 Wiggles

We were practicing for our primary church program. I explained to AJ that while he is standing at the podium he can't wiggle. He looked at me with a pleading look. "How about just two wiggles?"

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Packing up

AJ has a fascination with Jesus lately. He keeps saying that he wants to see him right now! After many explanations, I finally told him that he probably won't see him until he dies some day and I hope that's not for awhile because I would miss him.

He asks, "What if I just pack my suitcase and stay for awhile?"

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A great way to start the day!

One morning before school I heard one of my children crying in the bathroom. I asked them what was wrong. They explained that their bum hurt so bad they couldn't sit down. I of course told them to drop their drawers. I found a huge pimple on a bum cheek. I reported the findings and stated that the only way to solve the problem was to pop it. The child quickly protested and started running. So, I did what any mom would do . . . . I tackled them, pulled down their pants, and popped it. They looked up at me with tear filled eyes and said, "Thanks mom it feels better!"

That was before 7:00 am. With a start like that, the day's gotta be a good one!

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Dressed for War!

One day I was especially grumpy. I wondered out loud why I was feeling like such a grouch! Jer looked down at me and stated, "Well what do you expect, you're dressed for war!" He had a point, I was wearing my green camo capris.

I wear those with caution now!

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Worry and Fret! Who moved my spider?

While I was on the phone today AJ comes up to me sobbing. I realize he's very upset so I quickly get off the phone to attend to him.

"Spider isn't there! " he cries. "The spider is supposed to be on my penis!"

With Jer and I both trying to translate the explanation we finally understood the problem.

His Spiderman undies are all a little different and I guess that pair had the spider logo in a different location. He finally calmed down when we explained. Maybe I should buy tighty whiteys from now on!

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Monsters are scary!!!

I was trying to convince AJ to read "Where the Wild Things Are" during story time since it's my favorite. He said, "Mom I don't like that one. It has monsters in it. Little kids don't like monsters, they're scary!"

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Who's moving all that stuff?

AJ asked me a week ago who moves all the trees, the clouds, and the houses when we're driving. I explained to him that it just looks like they're moving, but really we're the ones that were moving. Apparently he's been thinking about it because a couple days ago he asked, "Mom, Jesus lives behind the clouds right? Well he's the one moving them when we're driving. He moves the other stuff too!"

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7 year old conclusions

Jeremy was encouraging CJ and AJ to get their p.j"s on after the bath. Of course any time dad's around it turns into a wrestling match. CJ catches dad off guard and gives him a particular good karate kick. He then asks, "How'd you like that? I'm extra flexible when I'm naked."

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Three year old observations

AJ- "This slide is bumpy it makes my bum tired."

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Melt my heart!

Just when you think AJ is the grumpiest thing since Oscar The Grouch, he says something like this to melt your heart. . .

"Mom, before I had a mommy, I wanted you to be my mommy."

"Why did you want 'me' to be your mommy?"

"Because I knew you'd be nice to me."

(These things keep me going for weeks)

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What are you doing?

When CJ was about 5 I heard the front door open and shut about 7:00 in the morning. I went to go look and found CJ in his p.j's peeing off the front porch!

"What are you doing!!!!" I asked. I think he was sleep walking because at this point he kind of shivered looked around and said ,"I guess I'm peeing."

"Why in the world are you peeing out here in my new flower beds?"

"Well I don't know," was his only comment.

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Prayers in my head

mommy: K bud say your prayers

AJ: I am saying my prayers in my head

mommy: Well I can't hear you so say them out loud

AJ: Well listen in your head mommy!

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Monsters under the bed

I guess we have other things besides monsters under our beds.When CJ was just small he was wrestling on the ground when he noticed something under my bed. He crawled under to get it. when he scooted back out, he held up my bra and said, "Mom you left your boobies under the bed." I didn't even know he knew that word.

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A play on words

The other day I was helping AJ say his prayers. I say the words and he repeats it. I started like always. . .

"Dear Heavenley Father,"

"Do you see a deer?" he asks.

"No that's a different kind of 'Dear' it's like saying 'to' Heavenly Father."

"Is there a deer in heaven," he asks.

"No it's just how you start your prayer."

"Does Jesus see a deer too?"

Forget it!

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Second Best

BJ( at three) "When I grow up I'm going to marry Grandma."

"You can't, I said, "She's already married to grandpa."

"Oh, well, I guess I'll have to marry you then."

I guess I don't mind being second best if it's to grandma.

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?!*

I hope I don't offend anyone by this entry, but I thought it was so hilarious and innocent that I had to add it.

CJ(5) and I were doing errands. It's just us two in the car. He spontaneously asks,

"Hey mom, what are these two balls for anyway?"

I respond, "What balls?"

"The one's in my pants."

"Uh . . . those help make babies."

"Oh, so since I have two balls, I can make two babies, but if I only had one I could just have one baby?"

?*! "Not Exactly"

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Church in Montana

When I worked with the children at church one of the three year olds said the prayer. His dad is a big hunter and is passing on the hobbie to his son. After praying for common things he requests, "Please bless our guns while we reload them." That's Montana for you!

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Alligators in Heaven?

AJ was fascinated with his new alligator toy. He looked up at me with his big blue eyes and asked, "Mom, can I take my alligator with me when I go to heaven and see Jesus?"

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Fashion Queen!

When MJ was about 3 and in her "pink" stage, she was watching me get ready for a meeting. "Mom," she asked, "Do you think you look pretty?" "I think I look nice," I responded. She quickly set me straight. "Well you don't, black and brown; eeewwww!" (I was wearing a black and tan zebra skirt and a black sweater) She is still the fashion police at our house!

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We have a floss fairy at our house!

The other day CJ came downstairs where the family was and asked, "Who put floss in my bum?" He explained, " I was wiping my bum in the bathroom and poof , all of sudden there was floss in my bum!"

I don't know who the culprit was, but I bet he or she stinks!

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This is a Hold up!!!

Grandma and grandpa came to visit. AJ(3) quickly learned that it was easier to climb in bed with grandma and grandpa in the middle of the night than to find mom and dad all the way downstairs like normal. This is how it went . . .In the middle of the night AJ wakes up a sleepy Grandpa and states , "I'm sleeping with you." Grandpa wakes up enough to see AJ holding him at gunpoint with a water pistol. "Okay whatever you say," responds Grandpa quickly obliging. Needless to say he was found in Grandpa and Grandmas bed every night after that.

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Breast feeding always has the potential to provoke some funny moments. . . .

When I was expecting AJ I was explaining to Jeremy how pleased I was that I had found a breast pump to use for free after the baby arrives. BJ (9 at the time) must have over heard because he looked at me horrified and asked, "Mom, you're going to blow up your boobs?!"

Back when CJ was and infant I was feeding him while at a friends house. Although I was discreet, her three year old daughter was very curious about what I was doing. I explained to her that I was feeding the baby milk. She looked at me with a light of understanding in her eyes and exclaimed, "Oh, I see, do you have Juice in the other one?"

Just a week after I had started feeding Lacie solid food I asked CJ if he would do me a favor and feed her. He quickly inhaled , grabbed his chest with both hands, and said, "Oh." I soothed his worries by explaining that my intent was for him to feed her rice cereal not breast milk. He responded with a big smile of relief. ________________

Before AJ was potty trained, CJ and AJ were running errands with mommy. AJ pipes up during our trip, "I pooped mommy." Shortly after, CJ requests with watery eyes, "Hurry, quick, roll down the window, my nose needs some wind!"

Together We Have It All

Thursday, October 22, 2009

"You're so "corny"

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